The loser making good on our bet ... (deep breath)

Hail oh mighty Hornets, so much mightier than Trojans of troy, those
who were decimated by the towering power of Achilles and the craftiness
of Odysseus, and the Nike swift running of Michael Harris. We here by
gladly give back the fair wife of Paris, Helen, who brought your orange
and black wrath upon us. We readily admit not knowing for why we are
called “Trojans” when in history it is quite clear through three
great epics, Iliad, Aeniad, and Odyssey and many great plays of the
ancient ones that Trojans are losers. We readily admit that we have shown,
now, once and for all, that our loss in 1200B.C.E. was permanent, and
that we are permanently losers. Not Hector can bring us to victory, not
against the great gift of swift flight given to Michael Harris by the
gods, and not Zeus will allow such a fate as our victory now, for we are
nasty South Tulsa White People if we are not Turks… and even with the
devilish help of Athena, we WASPS will not ever match your Hornet Sting
which is worse than the lightening bolt so well crafted on the anvil by
Heapheastus and aimed so precisely by Zeus... It has shattered my ego,
and for this I praise your power, I praise the gift you have given me.
I now heretoforth consider you #1 in the country, beatable only by
Titans if Titans dare!